The other day, while I was walking around in Colombo, I was approached by a bunch of guys from Hutch who claimed they were giving away Hutch SIM cards for free. Okay, let’s stop right there for a minute. What the fuck Hutch? They were wearing T-shirts with the Hutch logo and all, but they didn’t even look like they could be working for any company. The fuckers looked like they hadn’t bathed in 150 days, ever since Maithripala came to power. Seriously, what the fuck? You want to rename your company to Grimy Hutch or Shit Hutch or something?

Anyway, those dirty looking guys wanted to give me a Hutch SIM for free. I’m not a retard. I knew there was a catch. So I was very careful about the questions I asked them, and about the answers they gave me. I told them that I already had few SIM cards, and that I didn’t need any more of them. They told me to take their shitty SIM anyway because it’s all free and Kumbaya. I asked them if they would activate the SIM. They told me they’d activate it if I fill the form and give them my NIC details. So now they’ve promised me to give me the SIM and activate it without any money changing hands. I said I’d take it then.

Then they started to fill a form, and wrote down my NIC details. Then the guy said that I had to reload 197 rupees to activate the supposedly free SIM, and activate it’s fucking Kumbaya package. I countered that they said they’d activate the SIM for free, and I’d reload it whenever I feel like it, but won’t do it right then. They responded that I need to reload it through them, and them alone. So apparently I had to give 197 rupees to those grimy fucking crooks to take away the fucking free SIM. In fact I’m sure it’d be 200. They didn’t seem like the sort to have any coins with them.

I told them they could keep their fucking free SIM, and left. So I saved my 200 rupees. But I noticed there were others there who apparently had thought the SIM really was free, but just couldn’t say no to those grimy fuckers when they asked for 197 rupees to activate the SIM after filling the form and stuff. There were a couple of girls there who looked miserable. They were being pressured to give money to those slimy crooks from Hutch.

So Hutch, is this what you do to make money these days, you fucking cunts? What the fuck? Why don’t you fucks instead pull down your pants and bend over? That’d be a more honest way to make money you fucking bastards. I’ll never buy anything from you fucking bitches.


I voted for Maithripala Sirisena. Or rather, I voted against Mahinda Rajapakse. I didn’t vote for Maithripala because of his 100 day programme. His new policy on good governance was an added bonus. But I didn’t vote because of it. I just wanted Mahinda Rajapakse out. I wanted his corrupt brothers out. I wanted his corrupt and dumb son out. My thinking was that just about anyone is better than the Rajapkse family. I’d have voted for the common candidate even if it was Mussolini or Hitler. They might end up as murderous dictators. But it’d take some time. Mahinda was already a dictator. Quite murderous too (as when he shelled civilians and killed journalists). If you’re a Maithri voter who is not a hardcore UNPer, this is probably your way of thinking too.

But I like this good governance stuff very much. Since Maithri and Ranil promised it, I want it. Now I realize that catching all thieves within a couple of weeks is impossible. I know that you need the support of the parliament to get the stuff in the 100 day programme done. But firing Bandula Padmakumara from Swarnavahini is utter bullshit.

Bandula Padmakumara, the first corrupt asshole you see in the morning

Bandula Padmakumara, the first corrupt asshole you see in the morning

It’s true that this guy is a corrupt piece of shit. He very much deserves to be kicked out of Lakehouse, because Lakehouse is government owned, and corrupt sons of bitches like this asshole shouldn’t be tolerated. But the government has no right to force a private media organisation like Swarnavahini to oust a guy. Doing that is anti-democratic, and anti-free-speech as shit. A private media like Swarnavahini is under no obligation to be unbiased. They are allowed to have their own shitty political opinion. Bandula Padmakumara, as corrupt as he is, is a citizen of this country, and therefore is allowed to have and express his own shitty opinion. Denying him that right is utterly fucked up.

So Ranil and Maithri, please don’t be cunts. Don’t do cunt-ish things like this. If you really want to ban someone, ban this dumb fuck, because according to the most respected political philosopher in the world, free speech is allowing anyone except les-libertarian to say anything.

I think it's stress

What’s more fun than winning an election is watching the losers go nuts. What’s even more fun is watching a nut go nuts. Sittingnut went nuts. You may wonder how this could happen. How could a nut go nuts? Well, I don’t know. What I know is that, Sittingnut (a.k.a. the-libertarian-fan-of-the-authoritarian-Mahinda-Rajapakse, Rajapkse’s-23rd-Ass-licker, the-lesbian-libertarian, the-biggest-cunt-ever, the-dumbest-motherfucker-ever-born), went nuts.

The election was on 8th January. On 6th January, Sittingnut published a post titled “reasons why mahinda will win by a significant margin”, predicting a huge Mahinda Rajapkse victory, and explaining the reasons in excruciating detail. He then published another article explaining why Mahinda Should win. Being the myth-buster he is (ROFL), he published another article titled “tight election” and other myths and rumors”. He wrote,

“it seems maithree supporters are reduced to floating rumors in social media, and to repeating words “tight election” in every other tweet and blog post they make, as if such repetition will make it “tight”. it is also a symptom of their state of denial as their fantasy breaks. lol”

His mistake was thinking that we were talking about his ass.

He went so far as to publish election results in almost real time, as if these information are not readily available on the internet with charts and graphs and shit. He was that keen to celebrate is cunt-ish victory. But being the cunt he is, he got it totally wrong. Maithripala won pretty comfortably with over 51% of the vote.

Then he went nuts

After the spectacular victory of Mithripala Sirisena, Sittingnut (a.k.a. the-libertarian-fan-of-the-authoritarian-Mahinda-Rajapakse, a.k.a. Rajapkse’s-23rd-Ass-licker, a.k.a.a the-lesbian-libertarian, a.k.a. the-biggest-cunt-ever, a.k.a. the-dumbest-motherfucker-ever-born), went completely nuts. The level of nutty-ness he reached is legendary. He published an article titled “sri lankans made a big mistake today”, to ventilate his frustration. The point of this post was basically that he hates the world. Go and read it. It reads as if it was written by an angsty teenage girl who hates the world and listens to Taylor Swift music. He even calls the elected-President “maipuppet”.

But of course, his frustration is too much to get rid of with one article. After all, he really liked getting fucked in the ass by his authoritarian master. So he has published five more articles by the time I write this, titled

1. yaha palanaya! new government tries to illegally suppress news from north

2. yaha palanaya! political thug upul jayasuriya threatens chief justice

3. yaha palanaya! ravi k. and mangala in cabinet

4. yaha palanaya! a backdoor government established in uva

5. yaha palanaya! backdoor politicos & police raid upfa office

But butthurt I sense in you

The funniest thing about these articles is that he’s even complaining about the government fucking with free speech. This is from the cunt who said nothing about the death of Lasantha Wickrematunga and eleven others (and when pointed out, made fun of them), who said nothing about beating up Poddala Jayantha and twenty something other journalists, who said nothing about bombing MTV and Siyatha TV, who said nothing about burning down Irudina and Virakesari during the Rajapkse regime. The nut is a libertarian of a peculiar kind (hint: it’s the ass-licking kind).

So here’s the deal shit-nut. You have been beaten. You have been conquered. You have been stripped naked and fucked in the anus. So, for the rest of your pathetic little cunt-ish life, you are my bitch.

Feeling Free


Finally, we have done it. Sri Lankans are free. Still a lot of work to be done. I mean, it’s clear that rural middle-class Sinhalese idiots have been brainwashed by the state media, so we have to un-brainwash them by brainwashing them the way we want using the state media itself. We also have to get the constitutional reforms done, and every cent spent by the Mahinda regime accounted for. And we have to unblock some websites.

Just want to say, while my friend Sittingnut, the libertarian cocksucker of the authoritarian Mahinda Rajapkse, idiotically believed that Mahinda would win, I predicted this outcome correctly. So basically, trust me in future. I know this shit better than Sittingnut, the libertarian cocksucker of the authoritarian Mahinda Rajapakse.

Nimal Siripala a.k.a. Sherlock Holmes

Nimal Siripala a.k.a. Sherlock Holmes

It could be nothing but a foreign conspiracy. There’s literally nothing can happen against the Rajapakse regime that is not the result of a foreign conspiracy. If someone wants to run against Mahinda in a presidential election, it’s a foreign conspiracy. If Basil wants something and the supreme court denies it, it’s a foreign conspiracy so the Chief Justice should be impeached. If poor people protest when they are evicted and their homes are destroyed because Gota wants to beautify Colombo, it’s a foreign conspiracy. If Mahinda had to fart in public, why, it’s definitely a foreign conspiracy.

In fact, if you’ve watched the early morning programme on Rupavahini that discuss foreign news, you’d know that nothing can happen against the ruling parties of countries like Russia, China, Cuba, North Korea, Venezuela, and Iran that is not an American conspiracy. Those bastions of democracy and freedom have legitimate governments that 99.9999999% of the people love, and it’s the other 0.0000001% and the Americans who’re trying to fuck them up. Clearly what’s happening in Hong Kong is an American conspiracy, and has nothing to do with young people genuinely scared about being subjected to the ruthless, undemocratic, illiberal Chinese rule. This is exactly what’s happening in Sri Lanka. It’s a conspiracy.

Rupavahini's Vijaya Dissanayake, one of Sri Lanka's foremost foreign policy experts

Rupavahini’s Vijaya Dissanayake, one of Sri Lanka’s foremost foreign policy experts

This lie is so transparent that I’m constantly amazed by the fact that people still fall for it. Does the stupidity of Sri Lanka’s general public have no end? Not only this is a lie, it’s a pretty lazy fucking lie. They’ve been selling this shit for a decade now, ever since Wimal Weerawansha started licking Mahinda’s ass. It’s his lazy ass lie that they are still using. I mean, it’s one thing to use it against Ranil, and the UNP. But they are using it against Mithripala, Rathana Thero, and Patali Champika Ranawaka, the same people who picked up the lie and used it against Ranil?

You can never overestimate the stupidity of the common man. Never. They are pretty effing dumb - Wimal Weerawansa

You can never overestimate the stupidity of the common man. Never. They are pretty effing dumb – Wimal Weerawansa

Nimal “Jamis Banda” Siripala however said something important here though. He said, “there are no perfect leaders or political parties. One must know how to survive within a party – our priority should be the party and the party cadres”. This is the only truthful thing he said during the entire press conference. It has never been about the country or its citizens. The citizens of the country should die paying taxes, or die in actual war, so these worthless sons of bitches can prioritize their fucking party and its fucking cadres over everything else. Yeah, let the Rajapakses’ dismantle the judiciary, fuck up the EPF funds, and steal out of development projects, because you have to prioritize your party, and the party’s cadres.

Fuck 'em. Our priority is the party and its cadres. - Nimal Siripala

Fuck ’em. Our priority is the party and its cadres. – Nimal Siripala

Now the truth. It’s said in these government press conferences that what’s happening is something like the Arab spring. Arab springs were largely unsuccessful because even though they managed to topple dictators, in the end those countries ended up with even more ruthless dictators. So what the government’s saying is,

Mahinda is a dictator, but his regime shouldn’t be toppled because it’ll destabilize the country and lead to another dictator.

Sounds convenient, doesn’t it? And for some, it may sound familiar, because it’s exactly what every other fucking dictator told the people after the Arab spring.

Two things. First, you’ve admitted Mahinda’s a dictator. So fuck him anyway. Secondly, Arab spring turned out quite successful in Tunisia. Toppling dictatorships sometimes work out well for the people. Sri Lanka’s closer to Tunisia than to those other Arabian countries. Even though Sri Lanka doesn’t have the kind of rich, old democratic traditions that some of the Western countries have, we have a far better democratic tradition than those Arabian countries. So maybe we can make this shit work. Let’s do that.

It feels good to oust a dictator in Tunisia

It feels good to oust a dictator in Tunisia

It was Nalin de Silva who started it, and because of what he did, people will continue to die, and those dumb patriots who believe every word he utters will call it an international conspiracy and put the blame on multinational companies and the poor Agricultural Minister.

What was earlier a genuine effort to find the reason for the kidney disease that rapidly spread in the North Central Province, has now become a misleading, unbelievable dumb, yet absolutely dangerous debate about whether or not there’s arsenic in rice. The Agriculcural Minister says there’s no arsenic (or very insignificant amount) in rice, and the dumb patriots say there’s loads of arsenic in rice.

This whole debate is misleading because whether or not there’s arsenic in rice, it could have absolutely no connection to the kidney diseases that spread rapidly in the North Central Province. Initially the claim made by the researchers who were supposedly guided by a god was that the concentration of arsenic in water in that area was too high. Obviously, if anyone affliated to a repuatable university claims his research was done by a god needs to be fired and immediately sent to a mental hospital. But that’s not really important here. If there really is too much arsenic in water, it is a problem that needs to be properly addressed. The research group (which was supposedly guided by a god) has to publish their research papers so that others can repeat it and verify its findings. Instead they are debating whether there’s arsenic in rice. Rice and kidney diseases, are these guys mad? The relevant authorities need to remember that this kidney disease is actually killing people.

This debate is unbelievably dumb because there shouldn’t be a debate in the first place. If there’s a suspicion that there’s arsenic in rice, then there’s a scientific procedure to follow which in the end will tell you the answer with 100% accuracy. Western Science, no matter what Nalin de Silva says, works. This matter would’ve been solved by now if Nalin didn’t popularise the idea that it was a god who informed us about the arsenic. Now people will die because of him.

I don’t know however why should anyone think that there’s arsenic in rice. Only the people in the North Central Province are dying of this kidney disease, and they eat the same rice as people in other areas do. If the arsenic is in the water, that’s different.

Whatever the case is, these patriotic idiots should stop blaming multinational companies and economic assassins (a term popularised by a stupid presenter on Derana TV) and get some truly Western scientific experiments done, and act accordingly. Meanwhile, people are dying.

This month, April, has been one of the wierdest months in the blogosphere. For one thing, 28strawberrygirl wrote The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. That was just plain great, even though there were people who demonstrated their stupidity by denying her blog post its rightful place as The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. I would rather follow Prince Siddhartha and leave my imaginery son and wife to go and sit under a Bo tree in hopes of killing my faculty of reason than deny strawberry’s blog post its rightful place as The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post.

Then indi, the heart, the soul and the worm of kottu revealed that he has a son. His, I guess, must be one fucked up family. But then, it is his fucked up family and I have my own not so fucked up family to worry about. So while he was experimenting with parenting, it seemed that virtually everyone was experimenting with new things and writing about doing the said new things. It seemed that there were only 2 blogs that remained exactly as what they were: mine and Vositha’s.

Vositha’s Blog is unique in that it is the one place you should visit if you’re someone who’s addicted to sex and finds that it screws up your personal and professional lives. I assure you, sex will never even superficially resemble anything like sex again. But please take my advice when I say if you do read her, don’t leave comments there and let everyone know that your genitals are in hibernation.

But the one thing apart from the one after this that I’m going to write about, that makes this month one of the wierdest months in the Sri Lankan blogoshere, is this 30 day challenge madness. Virtually every mammal with ten fingers started some kind of 30 day challenge that looked so unbelievably idiotic (in fact, those are th readers of Vositha’s blog). Someone started a 30 day book challenge. Another a 30 day movie challenge. There were 30 day poetic challenges, 30 day song challenges et cetera. So even I, who is usually a sane person with an above average IQ, wondered why I don’t have a 30 day challenge on the great blog of mine, and even briefly cosidered about starting such a challenge called “30 day padashow challenge” and insult the intelligence of those who read my blog, and more importantly, insult my own formidable intelligence. I would tell anyone who found it to be juvenile to go and read Vositha’s Blog, and would’ve used it to further insult someone who has suffered enough because of both nature and me, someone whose nuts are sitting, when it is expected of his species to have nuts that hang. But then it IS juvenile and I have better things to do with my wonderful life, like pretending to be an illiterate merchant so that god might reveal himself to me.

Another thing of great importance which took place during this weird month is “The Triple Penetration of THE David Blacker” by a trio of good-for-nothing lawyers with brains imbibed with homoeroticism. I will not link to the thread in which this hideous crime took place out of respect I have towards the great David Blacker, a bald soldier whose behind commands an unimaginable amount of respect. But those who like to watch or participate in depraved homosexual orgies can visit Indi’s blog and find an article to which more than 200 comments are attached. Looking at the tautological solipcisms those three lawyers and the aforementioned bald soldier have posted there, one could not help but award the said bald soldier (who said in all seriousness, “my area is war, not law”) with the “Padaya of the Month Award” and send the three evil criminals to Pakistan, where the relevant (islamic) authorities can actually use them to gang-rape a girl previously raped by her own brother. We don’t need such lawyers here, in this country. We need more bald soldiers like David Blacker, whose only real response to any criticism or argument is a simple “lol” which so comprehensively articulates everything that needs to be articulated.

April has been a weird month, but there’s no reason to believe the next month will be any less weird. So if asinine fatuity is what you are looking for, please visit kottu. For everything else, bookmark my goddamn blog and visit it periodically.

Great partnership

Great partnership

Yesterday evening I was there at the Premadasa Stadium watching Tharanga and Dilshan mercilessly bludgeon England out of the cricket world cup. It was fun really. I’m not an obsessive cricket fan but I know enough about cricket to know that their partnership was pretty amazing. I had one question bugging me all the time though. Isn’t Dilshan still mad at Tharanga for sleeping with his wife?

I don’t know much about crickerters’ personal lives so I don’t know whether Tharanga slept with Dilshan’s wife in the first place. But here’s what I’ve heard. Dilshan was married to some woman, with whom he even had a child. Then Upul Tharanga came along and slept with her. Dilshan learnt about it and divorced her, and then went on to marry an actress. I don’t know their names, so let’s call the first one Woman-A and the second one Woman-B.

Apparently Dilshan’s now living reasonably happily with Woman-B. Woman-A, watching the two Sri Lankan openers yesterday must have been thinking, ‘well, they both have opened me and hit record breaking innings.’

I’m sorry Dilshan for making fun of you. Being cheated must have been very painful to you. It’s just that I can’t understand how you could let Tharanga have his century yesterday and hug him. If I were you, I’ll never be able to do that. I’d crush Tharanga’s balls with my bat and throw whatever left over extra-cover.

Maybe you haven’t forgiven him yet though. Maybe that’s why you hit that last boundary you hit yesterday. Just tell Sangakkara and Mahela and the rest to keep an eye on Tharanga. Make sure he doesn’t cuckold anyone else before the world cup final.

lefroy published a post with photo ( of un unknown naked male ) entitled A “Naked Photograph of Sittingnut a.k.a The Excreting Nut ” on febraury 01, 2010 2.28pm it was available till about 5.00pm

after publishing and getting it admitted to kottu it he deleted it

once again it is clear that indi.padashow ( son of a corrupt political appointee ) who promoted this blog is applying a different standard to this blog than to one he banned like tamilnet(dot)tv even though they did the same things ( for a worthier cause ) this blog does as i have pointed out from the beginning of these attacks.

indi continued use posts from here in his leader kottu print version long after attacks started .

if indi.padshow had any principles he should unban those blogs from kottu.

however much truth hurts lefroy, and whatever he calls it in his hate , i will tell the truth, the complete truth.

lefroy is angry at me for exposing indi.padashow , his hypocrisy and political connections and feels a passionate need for attacking me as a result . so he attck me in post after post
his various and ever changing explanations for attack after attack post against me ( and onl;y me ) here using abuse of the worst kind, does not wash

i will continue to post protest comments in all his threads as long as he censors my comments in his attack threads (for ex in his post “sittingnut is not libertarian” on january 30, 2010 he censored my original comments there i had to repost them and post protest comments in other threads)

i will continue to ask, why does he attack me( and only me ) in this fashion.
i will continue to ask why does indi .padashow apply a double standard to him
i will also continue to ask him to come out of the closet about his true relationship to indi padashow

Yesterday night at the “Vada Pitiya” programme on TV Derana, a caller asked the Hela Urumaya parliamentarian whether they had killed their conscience before voting in favour of the 18th Amendment. The parliamentarian, whose name escapes me, answered skillfully.

The caller should have known that no matter what you can say about the said political party, you can’t say they have killed their conscience. On the contrary, they are the only party that haven’t done so during the last few years. They, not only have always believed that the LTTE should be defeated militarily, but also have always supported the powerful executive presidency. 224 MPs supported the 17th Amendment, one didn’t, and it was the Hela Urumaya MP.

But it is a padatthara party, formed by, run by, and voted for, padattharayas. The reason is this. Hela Urumaya believes that all Sri Lankan adults (people over 18, who can vote, marry, and run for office) are dumbf**ks, who don’t know right from wrong, and can’t decide what’s best for them.

Therefore, Hela Urumaya thinks that it is their duty to decide what’s best for us. So they try to ban cigarettes, alcohol, movies with adult themes etc. They believe we can’t decide. They believe they must guide us dumb idiots to enlightenment, or rather, force us towards enlightenment.