The other day, while I was walking around in Colombo, I was approached by a bunch of guys from Hutch who claimed they were giving away Hutch SIM cards for free. Okay, let’s stop right there for a minute. What the fuck Hutch? They were wearing T-shirts with the Hutch logo and all, but they didn’t even look like they could be working for any company. The fuckers looked like they hadn’t bathed in 150 days, ever since Maithripala came to power. Seriously, what the fuck? You want to rename your company to Grimy Hutch or Shit Hutch or something?

Anyway, those dirty looking guys wanted to give me a Hutch SIM for free. I’m not a retard. I knew there was a catch. So I was very careful about the questions I asked them, and about the answers they gave me. I told them that I already had few SIM cards, and that I didn’t need any more of them. They told me to take their shitty SIM anyway because it’s all free and Kumbaya. I asked them if they would activate the SIM. They told me they’d activate it if I fill the form and give them my NIC details. So now they’ve promised me to give me the SIM and activate it without any money changing hands. I said I’d take it then.

Then they started to fill a form, and wrote down my NIC details. Then the guy said that I had to reload 197 rupees to activate the supposedly free SIM, and activate it’s fucking Kumbaya package. I countered that they said they’d activate the SIM for free, and I’d reload it whenever I feel like it, but won’t do it right then. They responded that I need to reload it through them, and them alone. So apparently I had to give 197 rupees to those grimy fucking crooks to take away the fucking free SIM. In fact I’m sure it’d be 200. They didn’t seem like the sort to have any coins with them.

I told them they could keep their fucking free SIM, and left. So I saved my 200 rupees. But I noticed there were others there who apparently had thought the SIM really was free, but just couldn’t say no to those grimy fuckers when they asked for 197 rupees to activate the SIM after filling the form and stuff. There were a couple of girls there who looked miserable. They were being pressured to give money to those slimy crooks from Hutch.

So Hutch, is this what you do to make money these days, you fucking cunts? What the fuck? Why don’t you fucks instead pull down your pants and bend over? That’d be a more honest way to make money you fucking bastards. I’ll never buy anything from you fucking bitches.