Fuck Allah

30/11/2011

Whizpen, the guy who wrote a blogpost titled “Why a Muslim Woman Cannot be Raped” has written another one of those, this time titled “I am sorry”. Again, I am holding on to my policy of not linking to stupid blogs that I do not want to promote, and blogs written by men with three testicles. But take my word for it. You do not need to read his blog. Life is too short to waste time on the thoughts of a religious nut.

But even though he’s a Muslim Whizpen has noticed that the world is not perfect. Ergo he writes “…we DON’T live in an ideal society. We live in a corrupt one. Why else do you think the rate of rape is so high?” This doesn’t justify Whizpen’s claim that women should cover their faces with veils, of course. Only a retard like Whizpen can say something like that. But this leads us to consider two possibilities.

1. There is no Allah.
2. Allah exists. But he’s full of shit.

So in case the second one is true, why don’t we just say “FUCK YOU ALLAH YOU BLOODY ASSHOLE?” Whizpen, why don’t you?

I’m not even married and will not be for at least another ten years and yet I’m already worried about this. As is the case with virtually every other specialised field, men dominate the workforce. Would you be comfortable with another man taking a look at your wife’s vagina?

I mean, no matter how modern and liberal you are, letting another man to look at your wife’s vagina is something you really think about. As a man, you must know that no matter how professional a doctor is, as long as he has a penis, it will rise. You know you always wanted to be a gynaecologist.

And don’t tell me women don’t get turned on by this.

There’s some discussion going on in Kottu as to whether Buddha was a bad father or not. Indi.the.Pada.King has pompously written a meaningless article about this as usual which servers only to display his ‘pada’ command of English language. But at least he sounds coherent and attempts to pretend to be logical. This guy called “Building My Brand” on the other hand is a complete retard who just doesn’t know how to think about anything properly and write about them clearly. I’m not going waste my time on this guy.

Was Buddha a bad father? The simple answer is a resounding YES. Here’s how you decide that. Would you want to be the son of a man who abandons you and your mother and goes to live in a jungle in order to save the world?

Not only he was a bad father, he was also a terrible husband. Would you want to be the wife of a guy who doesn’t sexually and emotionally satisfy you and abandons you when you’re still in your mid-twenties?

Even if you believe that the religion Buddha found is true, you can’t deny he was a terrible father and a husband. Remember what he did when he was Vessanthara? To give away his wife and children to another man as if they were cattle, just who the hell he thought he was?

If you do not believe Buddhism, like me, I dare say that you just have to say that Buddha was full of shit. Imagine that I had a wife and a son and one day I decided I had to leave them and save the world from all the pain and suffering (a pretty lofty goal to be sure. This is what people do when they want to do fucked up shit. Leaving the family to climb mountains is not alright. But sitting under a tree and starving to death is alright). Yep. I think you get it. At least Jesus had the good sense to have a hooker friend, instead marrying an innocent, ordinary girl.

End the suffering. My ass.

Sirasa TV

20/11/2011

This shit is hardcore alright. Kili Maharaja is having an orgasm every time they stab Ranil. No wonder Sirasa news has become a masturbation fantasy of Sajith and his supporters.

It is ridiculous at best, and rather retarded at worst. It is ridiculous when they attack Ranil for wearing a blue T-shirt, or when they attack him for using the sinhala word ‘vesi’ to refer to them, or when they give publicity to the asslicking joker with a bad taste, Mervyn Silva, when he says that Ranil met Kudu Lal and is plotting something sinister. It is pathetic when they show monks and former MPs demanding the working committee to be increased from 66 to 92. It is retarded when they imply that Sajith Premadasa, a talentless screw-up who was lucky enough to be the son of a former president, is UNP’s only shot at presidency.

I’d be voting for Ranil of course. But still it’s good entertainment. Political masturbation is always fun.

Yeah, you heard it right Nalin. Your wife is fucking your neighbour. Or is it your neighbour who’s fucking your wife? God Naatha wasn’t really clear about that. You see, recently I have developed my mental faculties to communicate with all sorts of higher beings and it’s awesome man. I hear stuff when I’m high. I learnt two things from them. Most of these gods are perverts. They watch curvaceous girls bathe and jerk off in a divine fashion. Two, your wife is fucking the shit out of your neighbour. This is all subjectively true man. Maybe not objectively. Ask god Naatha.

I read your latest article misleadingly titled “On so called scientific knowledge – VIII” on kalaya.org. I’m not even going to link to it here cuz that’d waste a lot of time. Dude, you seriously gotta stop this man. That Arsenic thing totally bit your dick off and you can’t fix it right. No matter how ceaselessly you lie about that, as you have in that stupid article, it really fucked you for good man. You sounded clinically insane and ridiculously retarded and people ain’t gonna forget that for a long time man. Gods just don’t do scientific researches. I mean if they do, they might as well do some medical researches and cure the fucking disease for good don’t you think? I’m serious with this shit dude. You gotta stop embarrassing yourself. You’re better at sucking the president’s dick. Why don’t you concentrate on that instead of trying to shag the bag of bones that is science which doesn’t even have the faintest idea that you’re not a goblin but a retarded human being who actually exists?

This objective-subjective reality thing you talk fondly about really sounds like a lot of crap that a dumbass postmodernist would say. I mean, even though technically there’s no objective reality, it’s pretty goddamn absolutely true that all of us have to live as if there is an objective reality. If I tell you that your wife is fucking your neighbour, would you ask me whether it’s objectively true or not and love your wife if I say no? I’d of course say no. But your wife, your neighbour and I, all know it’s pretty subjectively true so I’d suggest you to act as if it was objectively true, and go and rape the bitch and divorce her and take the house too so she’d have to fuck strangers for 50 rupees per hour. Otherwise I’d be fucking her too when you’re not around. I’m kidding. I’m not retarded like you to do that kind of shit.

So if we have to live as if there really is an objective reality, science becomes a little bit more important than other dumbass bodies of knowledge. I mean what’d you do to be sure that your quite-sane-unlike-you-son is really yours (a result of you fucking his mother)? Would you rather do a DNA test or would you butt fuck a god and coax the truth out of him?

I’m serious man. As much as I find it funny when a patriotic retard experiment with a strangely limited vocabulary, I hate to see an old man pee on himself while jumping up and down. I really am.

My pussy is more pinkish than your black-hole. So my problems are more important.

My pussy is more pinkish than your black-hole. So my problems are more important.

Even though I have seen many times retarded women talking about their private lives on TV, it never ceases to give me an erection. These women with epically unsuccessful marriages and sex lives should stop talking about them in public. What would be the effect of this on twelve year olds, who would masturbate until they rip their dicks off?

Upeksha hosts a programme that talks about stuff like this- like sex, marriage and repressed lesbianism. What these attention seeking-women-with-perpetually-out-of-order-vaginas have to say about sex and marriage is not very suprising. They say exactly the kind of things attention-seeking-whores-with-perpepually-out-of-order-vaginas would say. After much deliberation, I have summarised their philosophy to 3 central points.

1. Don’t marry young.
2. Never marry without parents’ permission
3. Just don’t marry at all. Repressed lesbianism with occasional masturbation is an excellent replacement.

No one should be concerned with their dumb-ass philosophy. But I suggest no one under 18, especially girls under 18, should be allowed to watch shows like this. These women actually talk the specifics of their screwed up marriages. For example, Nilmini said, “That day, Madu was drunk and he doggy-styled it. It was rough, but enjoyable. You see, I’m not unreasonable. But then he started to spank my ass as if there’s no tomorrow and almost stuck a broomstick up my, you know.”

I’m not opposed to this shit because I’m opposed to kids learning about sophisticated ways to have sex. No, in fact I’m all for it. What I’m opposed to is people talking about their private lives in public. Little girls and boys might get the idea that their sex lives are of public interest, and it is okay to put it all in the public domain, when it’s NOT.

I don’t care whose fault it was that their marriages sucked. Probably they are all whores and their men were all man-whores. But at least those men had the decency to not talk about their women’s out-of-order clitorises on public TV.

I have a suggestion to them. If you really want to put it all out, why don’t you make a hardcore porno of you girls having painful anal sex? You would at least make the right people happy, not 12 year olds looking for something to jerk-off to.

They tried to brainwash me when I was young; tried to shove the new testament down my throat. They failed of course. I’ve written in length about why Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and all other religions are not only false but also dumb. I don’t want to repeat myself here. But recently someone asked me how could I find the motivation to do anything when I know that none of that matters because I will die and will rot and be eaten by worms and that’s all there is to it. This question has been asked from me before. Usually what I do is turn the question around.

How would you find the motivation to do anything if you are immortal? Because no matter what you do, no matter how bad you screw things up, you’ll keep on living forever and eventually it will all get boring. For one, sex would get boring. Even if you sleep with all the women in the universe, then all the men in the universe, then all the extra-terrestrial beings, it will eventually become insufferably boring.

Love is another thing that would become something of no value. So you christians go to heaven and yes, god would love you always. But would your loved ones love you forever? Would you love them forever? No. We’d become a bunch of miserable heavenly creatures.

You can explore the universe of course. You can learn everything about it; watch stars get born, burn and die. You’ll see civilisations emerge out of nowhere, become more and more sophisticated, and finally annihilate itself. But for how long would you want to do this? What’d you do next when you know everything?

Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series is one of my favourites. It had this character (I can’t remember his name) who had accidentally become immortal. He is bored. His life sucks. So he goes about insulting all living beings in the universe in the alphabetical order just to kill some time. He’s not insane.

Most Christians however don’t see that they can’t be happy if they can’t die. Death is an escape from crap, bat shit and bullshit, even though us mortals don’t think so. But I’m not surprised. Christians are blind to hundreds of thousands of obvious truths. They do it by not thinking too much about them. Immortality is something that they do not think about enough. They don’t see that unless you’re a zombie, living forever sucks.

Okay, being the internet god, I’m going back to insulting everyone in the alphabetical order.

Colombo Additional Magistrate Prasanna Alwis ordered the CID today to arrest R. Duminda Silva in connection with the killing of former MP Bharatha Laxman (another government thug). How convenient, to pretend to be trying to arrest the sucker after waiting for weeks for the sucker to escape the country with his artificial penis?

Meanwhile the government is going to limit the sugar content in everything we eat and drink. Has there ever been a government which denied its citizens sugar just to avenge guy who worked for and supported the opposition party?

Seriously, what kind of a fuck would vote for this kind of government? Even more seriously, what kind of a fuck would admin the facebook page of a corrupt government toad like Milinda Moragoda?

I cried sexily

15/11/2011

Harry Potter fans. I found the worst Harry Potter fanfiction ever written, but it’s so goddamn funny that I’m still laughing after reading it. The story’s name is “My Immortal”, written by someone called Tara Gillespie (possibly a troll) in 2006 and it has been read by over a million people. It is famously known as the worst fanfiction ever written. But it’s so funny. I’m not going to post any links here because they disappear all the time. My Immortal has been banned by several fanfiction websites. But google my immortal fanfiction and you’ll find it.

Here’s some of my favourite lines.

It was snowing and raining

I cried sexily

Dumbledore had constipated a cideo camera they took of me naked

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. It was Dumbledore.

Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!

Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?

This pathetic human being has been so seriously butt-fucked by monkeys in Kandy that even reading the previews of his blog entries in Kottu is a total mindfuck. Sinhala-Buddhists castrated by Muslims or Tamils, Sinhala-Buddhists burnt alive by Muslims and Tamils, Sinhala-Buddhists gang raped by Muslim mobs; this shit is hardcore man.

For public safety, this mad guy should be found and put inside a nuthouse. He’s crazy and potentially dangerous, and when he farts, he also cyber-farts. Just can’t stand the smell.

Maybe things would’ve been a little different if he ever got some action. But who wants to sleep with a farting eunuch? So he farted through his life, imagined being a rebel, and farted some more.

Rebel? What is this? Rebelling against the colour of monkey poop in Kandy? According to his own definition, to rebel is,

1. To fight against the government or to refuse to obey rules

2. To react against a feeling, action or plan

This eunuch isn’t fighting against the government. He’s licking its balls and taking its penis up his ass without any lubrication. When his ass isn’t blocked by a penis, he farts on the opposition and pees on all Muslims and Tamils and other minorities. This guy isn’t a rebel. If this guy calls himself a rebel because he reacts to a feeling, action or plan, American rednecks should call themselves rebels too. I mean they go like “those fucking immigrants”, don’t they?

He says that a rebel “is opposed to the political system in his country and tries to change it using force”. Didn’t I tell you this guy’s dangerous. He’s talking about genocide against the thambiyas who castrate pure Sinhala-Buddhists men with penises little longer than those of monkeys. He says a rebel is “a person who shows his disagreement with the ideas of people in authority.” Does his tiny little monkey fucked noggin thinks that those poor Tamils and Muslims, who themselves have been butt fucked by Sinhalese people and their army, are in authority?

I tell you what Rebel of Kandy, keep on doing what you do: licking donkey balls and sucking the government’s dick. The revolution will cum in a second.