The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post – 28strawberrygirl wrote it
Why exes are meant to be exes is The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. Search no further. 28strawberrygirl sat down in front of her monitor, rubbed her eyes, typed the whole thing in a matter of minutes, uploaded it to her weblog, turned the machine off, ran into her bedroom, jumped on to her bed, and cried an ocean out of her already reddened eyes. As Martin Amis once said about the quest to write The Great American Novel, the quest to write The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post did what quests very rarely do: it ended.
Of course one might wonder, was there a quest at all to write The Great Sri Lankan Novel, let alone The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. There was obviously the quest to write The Great American Novel, which according to Martin Amis was ended by Saul Bellow with his The Adventures of Augie March (I disagree with Amis about this on the grounds that this particular Saul Bellow novel is boring as ITN news). There were some talk about The Great Australian Novel, which in my mind Peter Carey wrote and won the Booker Prize for – True History of the Kelly Gang. There were of course some Indian idiots talking about The Great Indian Novel. They are idiots.
There can’t be a The Great Indian Novel because India is not a great country. There cannot be a The Great French Novel because all the French can think about is penises. There cannot be a The Great Russian Novel because they ruined their country with communism and polluted their communism with something for which there is no name. There cannot be a The Great Chinese Novel or a The Great Japanese Novel because apart from tall buildings, they have nothing. America and Australia are great countries, ergo they have great novels. Sri Lanka is just like that, a great country. Shehan Karunatilake wrote The Great Sri Lankan Novel in 2006: The Chinaman.
Now Sri Lanka has shown to the world that it is the greatest country in the world by being the first country to write a The Great Blog Post. 28strawberrygirl has written a blog post filled with loads of emotional erudition, extraordinary psychological insights, and womanly beauty with a sense of Sri Lankan-ness running from beginning to end; an article that is partly about life, partly about femineity, and partly about writing itself written in prose clear as a newborn’s eyes, that only a person of a considerable magnitude of foolishness would deny it its rightful place as The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post, period.
28strawberrygirl’s blog post “Why exes meant to be exes” is about the formation of grief itself – a grief that a girl with a Sri Lankan heart who dumped her boyfriend had to go through. The reason for her dumping him is not explained since it is not important. Maybe it was because she had another man in her life, or because he had another woman in his life, or because he had a penis not long enough to satisfy her womanly needs. But that is not important since the article’s ambition is not to show the formation of her own grief, but formation of grief itself – grief as an abstract concept yet with a tinge of Sri Lankan-ness. According to 28strawberrygirl, the reason for grief is making mistakes that screw things up. She teaches all Sri Lankans that making mistakes that screw things up can cause grief, which hopefully will make Sri Lankans not make mistakes that screw things up and become a happy nation.
Even though the reason for her dumping him is not explained, the reason for him not wanting to get back together with her is hinted at. You don’t have to wonder whether he wants to run away because she’s not a virgin, or because she dresses like a hooker and he finds himself constantly having to fight to protect her honour. It’s nothing like that. Sri Lankans are modern people, modern in the sense that they are more Californian than Californians themselves. But they hate when women drink beer. 28strawberrygirl teaches Sri Lankan women to not drink beer, because otherwise, like her, they’ll have to live alone.