This month, April, has been one of the wierdest months in the blogosphere. For one thing, 28strawberrygirl wrote The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. That was just plain great, even though there were people who demonstrated their stupidity by denying her blog post its rightful place as The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. I would rather follow Prince Siddhartha and leave my imaginery son and wife to go and sit under a Bo tree in hopes of killing my faculty of reason than deny strawberry’s blog post its rightful place as The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post.

Then indi, the heart, the soul and the worm of kottu revealed that he has a son. His, I guess, must be one fucked up family. But then, it is his fucked up family and I have my own not so fucked up family to worry about. So while he was experimenting with parenting, it seemed that virtually everyone was experimenting with new things and writing about doing the said new things. It seemed that there were only 2 blogs that remained exactly as what they were: mine and Vositha’s.

Vositha’s Blog is unique in that it is the one place you should visit if you’re someone who’s addicted to sex and finds that it screws up your personal and professional lives. I assure you, sex will never even superficially resemble anything like sex again. But please take my advice when I say if you do read her, don’t leave comments there and let everyone know that your genitals are in hibernation.

But the one thing apart from the one after this that I’m going to write about, that makes this month one of the wierdest months in the Sri Lankan blogoshere, is this 30 day challenge madness. Virtually every mammal with ten fingers started some kind of 30 day challenge that looked so unbelievably idiotic (in fact, those are th readers of Vositha’s blog). Someone started a 30 day book challenge. Another a 30 day movie challenge. There were 30 day poetic challenges, 30 day song challenges et cetera. So even I, who is usually a sane person with an above average IQ, wondered why I don’t have a 30 day challenge on the great blog of mine, and even briefly cosidered about starting such a challenge called “30 day padashow challenge” and insult the intelligence of those who read my blog, and more importantly, insult my own formidable intelligence. I would tell anyone who found it to be juvenile to go and read Vositha’s Blog, and would’ve used it to further insult someone who has suffered enough because of both nature and me, someone whose nuts are sitting, when it is expected of his species to have nuts that hang. But then it IS juvenile and I have better things to do with my wonderful life, like pretending to be an illiterate merchant so that god might reveal himself to me.

Another thing of great importance which took place during this weird month is “The Triple Penetration of THE David Blacker” by a trio of good-for-nothing lawyers with brains imbibed with homoeroticism. I will not link to the thread in which this hideous crime took place out of respect I have towards the great David Blacker, a bald soldier whose behind commands an unimaginable amount of respect. But those who like to watch or participate in depraved homosexual orgies can visit Indi’s blog and find an article to which more than 200 comments are attached. Looking at the tautological solipcisms those three lawyers and the aforementioned bald soldier have posted there, one could not help but award the said bald soldier (who said in all seriousness, “my area is war, not law”) with the “Padaya of the Month Award” and send the three evil criminals to Pakistan, where the relevant (islamic) authorities can actually use them to gang-rape a girl previously raped by her own brother. We don’t need such lawyers here, in this country. We need more bald soldiers like David Blacker, whose only real response to any criticism or argument is a simple “lol” which so comprehensively articulates everything that needs to be articulated.

April has been a weird month, but there’s no reason to believe the next month will be any less weird. So if asinine fatuity is what you are looking for, please visit kottu. For everything else, bookmark my goddamn blog and visit it periodically.

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Why exes are meant to be exes is The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. Search no further. 28strawberrygirl sat down in front of her monitor, rubbed her eyes, typed the whole thing in a matter of minutes, uploaded it to her weblog, turned the machine off, ran into her bedroom, jumped on to her bed, and cried an ocean out of her already reddened eyes. As Martin Amis once said about the quest to write The Great American Novel, the quest to write The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post did what quests very rarely do: it ended.

Of course one might wonder, was there a quest at all to write The Great Sri Lankan Novel, let alone The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post. There was obviously the quest to write The Great American Novel, which according to Martin Amis was ended by Saul Bellow with his The Adventures of Augie March (I disagree with Amis about this on the grounds that this particular Saul Bellow novel is boring as ITN news). There were some talk about The Great Australian Novel, which in my mind Peter Carey wrote and won the Booker Prize for – True History of the Kelly Gang. There were of course some Indian idiots talking about The Great Indian Novel. They are idiots.

There can’t be a The Great Indian Novel because India is not a great country. There cannot be a The Great French Novel because all the French can think about is penises. There cannot be a The Great Russian Novel because they ruined their country with communism and polluted their communism with something for which there is no name. There cannot be a The Great Chinese Novel or a The Great Japanese Novel because apart from tall buildings, they have nothing. America and Australia are great countries, ergo they have great novels. Sri Lanka is just like that, a great country. Shehan Karunatilake wrote The Great Sri Lankan Novel in 2006: The Chinaman.

Now Sri Lanka has shown to the world that it is the greatest country in the world by being the first country to write a The Great Blog Post. 28strawberrygirl has written a blog post filled with loads of emotional erudition, extraordinary psychological insights, and womanly beauty with a sense of Sri Lankan-ness running from beginning to end; an article that is partly about life, partly about femineity, and partly about writing itself written in prose clear as a newborn’s eyes, that only a person of a considerable magnitude of foolishness would deny it its rightful place as The Great Sri Lankan Blog Post, period.

28strawberrygirl’s blog post “Why exes meant to be exes” is about the formation of grief itself – a grief that a girl with a Sri Lankan heart who dumped her boyfriend had to go through. The reason for her dumping him is not explained since it is not important. Maybe it was because she had another man in her life, or because he had another woman in his life, or because he had a penis not long enough to satisfy her womanly needs. But that is not important since the article’s ambition is not to show the formation of her own grief, but formation of grief itself – grief as an abstract concept yet with a tinge of Sri Lankan-ness. According to 28strawberrygirl, the reason for grief is making mistakes that screw things up. She teaches all Sri Lankans that making mistakes that screw things up can cause grief, which hopefully will make Sri Lankans not make mistakes that screw things up and become a happy nation.

Even though the reason for her dumping him is not explained, the reason for him not wanting to get back together with her is hinted at. You don’t have to wonder whether he wants to run away because she’s not a virgin, or because she dresses like a hooker and he finds himself constantly having to fight to protect her honour. It’s nothing like that. Sri Lankans are modern people, modern in the sense that they are more Californian than Californians themselves. But they hate when women drink beer. 28strawberrygirl teaches Sri Lankan women to not drink beer, because otherwise, like her, they’ll have to live alone.

POLL RESULTS

15/04/2011

These are the results of all the polls I’ve conducted so far.

POLL 1:
Sittingnut is,
A fucked up kid -43%
A fucked up man -36%
A mentally retarded freak -21%

POLL 2:
Who is the ugliest woman,
Shiranthi Rajapakse – 34%
Sittingnut (included here because his nuts are sitting, and not hanging) – 23%
Anarkali Akarsha – 20%
Other – 20%
Geetha Kumarasighe -3%
Wasanthi Chathurani – 3%

other answers include, Lefroy, Lefroy’s wife, your wife, all, Angelina Jolie

POLL 3
What is the best political blog on Kottu,
indi.ca – 38%
Groundviews – 28%
dbsjeyaraj.com – 14%
Lanka Libertarian – 14%
Voice in Colombo – 3%
bailaman.blogspot.com – 3%

On Politics, Chithrangi’s Weblog, Lanka Rising, and perambara.org didn’t get any votes.

POLL 4
Is blogging a waste of time,
No – 53%
Yes – 47%

POLL 5
Who is the number 1 government propagandist blogger in SL,
Dr. Ranga Migara Weerakkody (Panhinda Samaga) – 53%
Sittingnut (Lanka Libertarian) – 35%
Voice in Colombo – 6%
Lanka Rising -6%

POLL 6
Why do women get married,
To make a family. Make babies – 60%
To have sex with other men – 25%
To have sex with her husband – 15%

POLL 7
Who’s son is sittingnut,
The result of a woman having sex with a miniature Mediterranean dog – 62%
Son of a prostitute – 23%
Son of a bitch – 15%