If you are a guy looking for movies for your girlfriend, this list is for you.

1. Here on Earth (2000)
2. A Walk to Remember (2002)
3. The Lake House
4. Enchanted
5. When Harry Met Sally
6. Sleepless in Seattle
7. You’ve Got Mail
8. Becoming Jane
9. Little Women
10. Pride and Prejudice (2005)

If you have any other suggestion please let me know.

Great partnership

Great partnership

Yesterday evening I was there at the Premadasa Stadium watching Tharanga and Dilshan mercilessly bludgeon England out of the cricket world cup. It was fun really. I’m not an obsessive cricket fan but I know enough about cricket to know that their partnership was pretty amazing. I had one question bugging me all the time though. Isn’t Dilshan still mad at Tharanga for sleeping with his wife?

I don’t know much about crickerters’ personal lives so I don’t know whether Tharanga slept with Dilshan’s wife in the first place. But here’s what I’ve heard. Dilshan was married to some woman, with whom he even had a child. Then Upul Tharanga came along and slept with her. Dilshan learnt about it and divorced her, and then went on to marry an actress. I don’t know their names, so let’s call the first one Woman-A and the second one Woman-B.

Apparently Dilshan’s now living reasonably happily with Woman-B. Woman-A, watching the two Sri Lankan openers yesterday must have been thinking, ‘well, they both have opened me and hit record breaking innings.’

I’m sorry Dilshan for making fun of you. Being cheated must have been very painful to you. It’s just that I can’t understand how you could let Tharanga have his century yesterday and hug him. If I were you, I’ll never be able to do that. I’d crush Tharanga’s balls with my bat and throw whatever left over extra-cover.

Maybe you haven’t forgiven him yet though. Maybe that’s why you hit that last boundary you hit yesterday. Just tell Sangakkara and Mahela and the rest to keep an eye on Tharanga. Make sure he doesn’t cuckold anyone else before the world cup final.

It is hardly a surprise that time in the recent past has flown in an unsychronized, yet meticulously chronological manner so that even the most hideous of crimes have become historical epics notwithstanding their obvious inaccuracies and transgenerational inductive anamolies. These matters of sensitive hyperbole have desentisized the captive sympathetical nature of the human mind that some of the bohemian qualities, that seem to be apparently ludicrous, have become the normal proportion of human suffering. His intellectual employee Dayan Jayatilaka, who has been exploited and cuckolded by the sheer power of masochist power struggling nature of the postmodern, has been unconsciously pointing at the logrithmic values of penile transaction in which neither he nor the accepted SL citizen never had a say. The methodical nature of this dramatic consequence will be demonstrated in the next article.

Something funny

20/03/2011

The following is from John Keat’s poem “Ode on a Grecian Urn.”

O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say’st,
“Beauty is truth, truth beauty,” – that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know

The following is from Douglas Adam’s novel “Restaurant at the End of the Universe.”

This was the gist of the notice. It said “The Guide is definitive. Reality is
frequently inaccurate.”

This has led to some interesting consequences. For instance, when the
Editors of the Guide were sued by the families of those who had died as a
result of taking the entry on the planet Traal literally (it said “Ravenous
Bugblatter beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists” instead of
“Ravenous Bugblatter beasts often make a very good meal of visiting
tourists”) they claimed that the first version of the sentence was the more
aesthetically pleasing, summoned a qualified poet to testify under oath that
beauty was truth, truth beauty and hoped thereby to prove that the guilty
party was Life itself for failing to be either beautiful or true. The judges
concurred, and in a moving speech held that Life itself was in contempt of
court, and duly confiscated it from all those there present before going off to
enjoy a pleasant evening’s ultragolf.

Most people I know think I’m bit of a jerk. My ex-girlfriend thinks I’m a big asshole. Maybe that’s why I chose a Poya Day to issue the fourth part of this article series which assaults Buddhism.

In Buddhism, the word “world (lokaya)” means a lot of things. In one sense, it is just planet earth, upon which all of us live and die. In another sense, it is the whole of this universe and other universes (if there are any). In yet another sense, world is something that exist within your non-existing mind; the world is within you.

In any case, even if it is not ultimately true, physical world exists since even Buddha had to pee. According to Buddhism, planet earth isn’t the only world with life. There are many many others. A Buddhist, after reading my previous post, might say that I prove nothing because simply because earth is not old enough for Buddhism, that doesn’t mean the “world” is not old enough for Buddhism.

Here’s the problem with this theory. Buddhism, according to Buddha, is a religion for humans. “Nirvana” is something only humans can attain. If you are a leopard, you somehow have to earn good Karma, become human, and then attain Nirvana. If you are a devil, you have to earn good Karma, become human, and then attain Nirvana. If you are a god living in heaven, you have to come down and become human before you could attain Nirvana. Buddhism is for humans.

There is no way that humans could exist anywhere other than on planet earth unless they were created by a creator (god). Homo sapiens sapiens is a creation of evolution. We are here because our ancestors adapted to changing environments and situations on planet earth. Our genetic code is the history of all the shit they had to go through. If we evolve into another species (and we most certainly will if we do not go extinct), their genetic code will include stories about all the shit we had to go through. Even if there are other planets with complex life forms, even if natural selection is present in those planets with complex life forms, even if there is carbon, nitrogen, hydrogen and oxygen, even if there is water, there is no way Homo sapiens sapiens could be created in those planets.

Then what about those 23 other Buddhas? I believe Gautama Buddha is the 24th Buddha. We know for a fact that those 23 other Buddhas did not live on planet earth. Did they live on other planets? Were they green aliens? No they weren’t. They were humans. Just like Gautama Buddha, they attained Nirvana under trees (carbon based living things) that can only be present on planet earth. Buddhism is for humans, not for green or grey or black aliens. If you think those aliens would give a shit about Buddhism, you probably think that they give a shit about Das Kapital as well since they must have similar minds to ours.

There’s this idea in Buddhism that one day, everything will be destroyed (the end of the world), and then everything will be created again. I remember correctly, according to Buddhism, this world will be destroyed after Maithree Buddha’s Buddhism go extinct, then all of it will be re-created. Everything will start from the beginning. There will be more Buddhas. This is bullshit because for that to happen, everything that happened on planet earth needs to happen somewhere else which is exactly like planet earth. There’s no way that everything that happened on planet earth could happen again since you know what? Some of the elephants and tigers and “Vatu Kurullas” who lived on planet earth would have already attained Nirvana and would have nothing to do with this whole re-creation thing.

Who has the largest penis among primates? Is it the big, hairy gorilla? No. It’s the penis of the human male. It is only among humans that female orgasm is present. Only human female has sexy stuff on their chest (other primates have breasts. But they don’t work as secondary sexual organs). I can go on and on like this. My point is, Homo sapiens sapiens is the sexiest species alive.

Humans really like having sex, just like other animals. They also are violent when they need to be, and made in such a way that makes it possible for him to eat meat. These are precisely the thing that Buddhism tells them not to do.

We are human because we moved from jungles to open plains. We did it because we had to. Those who remained in the jungles evolved into great apes like chimpanzees and gorillas. Their population has always been shrinking.

In the open plains, there were no fruit to eat, and our digestive system couldn’t handle grass. We had to depend on roots of some plants.

Yet even at that time, we could digest meat because we’d been eating insects for a long long time. We realised in the open plains that we had to hunt. There was absolutely no other option.

In the open plains however, there were already carnivores (big cats and wolves) who were stronger and faster than us. They were specialised to killing. We couldn’t compete with them. So we had to stand up with two legs and make tools and hold weapons. We did this. These were the early stages of the creatures who would later create such amazing things like pyramids and quantum physics, and bullshit like religion.

Now here’s the thing. What happened to those early humans who killed, committed incest, raped, and did so many fucked up things because they didn’t know it was wrong? Did they go to hell? What about other animals? Lions kill. Rape is common among elephants. Primates like our ancestors were sexually active all the time and had sex all the time with different partners. Did they go to hell?

Most buddhists would say they wouldn’t go to hell because they didn’t do it was wrong. But then it begs the question, if doing something fucked up is okay if you don’t know it’s fucked up, then what about good stuff you do? Certainly they won’t earn you good Karma because you don’t know what you’re doing is good.

So how do animals become humans? Animals don’t have moral. The only species who has morals is Homo sapiens sapiens and he created morals only few thousand years ago. For 4.5 billion years there has been no such thing as morals on planet earth. When animals do fucked up things, they don’t know they’re wrong. When they do good things, they don’t know they’re good. So how do they become human?

It’s important that according to Buddhism, animals do become humans and it’s said to be very difficult. Buddha was many animals in his previous lives.

Also it’s important to note that the animals we see, like elephants, monkeys, and lions, are modern animals and not our ancestors. Buddha was an elephant a long long time a ago. There’s no way elephants could exist back then. He was also human a long long time ago and there’s no way of that happening either.

You cannot say that these stories are just symbolic and that Buddha never was an elephant. Then you would also have to say King Vessanthara never existed.

Now one could say, world isn’t just planet earth. I’ll come to that in the next article.

To be continued..

To anyone reading this, I strongly suggest reading Part I of this article first.

Buddhism, unlike most other religions (and yes, it is a religion), doesn’t make the mistake of trying to explain how it all began. Bible starts saying “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth [Genesis 1:1].” Anyone with an iota of brain can see this is just stupid. It is so stupid that I’m not going to explain why it’s stupid. Not just Abrahamic religions, but many religions have a god who created everything. Buddhism doesn’t make that mistake. Buddha tells us not to ponder upon how it all began since it’d yield no answer. But by not having a god, Buddhism creates a whole lot of questions that it has to answer.

In Buddhism, there’s the concept of Karma. It is by no means an original creation of Buddhism. Religions that sprung up in India before Buddhism talked about Karma. But somehow, if Karma is a brand name, now it belongs to Buddhism.

According to this concept of Karma, if you do something good, good will happen to you. If you do something bad, bad things will happen to you. A cursory look at peoples’ lives would make you see it’s bull. Hence the need for reincarnation: the birth-rebirth cycle.

There’s absolutely no logical nor empirical reason to believe that there’s life after death. There’s absolutely no reason to believe that there’s a cycle of birth and rebirth. But Buddhist believe there is one. Why? Because Buddha said so.

But that’s the case with all religions. It’s not about reason. It’s about faith. The more ridiculous the thing you believe, the closer you are to salvation. You’re a really good Christian if you believe snakes talked. You’re a really good Buddhist if you believe an elephan, a tiger, and a “vatu kurulla” were good friends, a long time ago (I can’t really remember this story).

So I will talk about something that I think Buddhism needs to answer and yet hasn’t answered. If there’s a god, whatever you do that he doesn’t like will send you to hell and whatever you do that he likes will send you to heaven. But when there’s no god, as in Buddhism, who or what decides what’s wrong and what’s right? How can you say that killing a person or an animal is bad Karma? If it IS wrong, is killing a person is equally wrong for you and me, or is it more wrong for me and less wrong for you? There’s no god to decide this. Then there must be a mechanism for this. If minus values are bad Karma and plus values are good Karma, and if there’s an act called X which has a Karma value of Z, there must be a mechanism to decide what Z is; to decide whether Z is greater or lesser than 0 or Z=0. No such mechanism is presented in Buddhism.

Now I think is the perfect time to return to evolution.

To be continued…

This article assumes that the Theory of Evolution is true, and doesn’t try to prove it. Evolution happened, and that’s a fact. Anyone who says otherwise is either a dumb idiot who seems like a dumb idiot, or a dumb idiot who calls himself a postmodernist/science philosopher, or something like that. This second category of people, dumb idiots posing as intellectuals, might argue that you cannot really prove anything (except in maths), and everything is a matter of personal belief.

In maths, once you assume a certain set of axioms to be true, things are either true or false. Pythogarus Theorem will hold no matter how many right triangles you draw, provided that you believe in those Euclidean axioms, like two parallel lines never meet.

It’s true that you cannot prove evolution in the same way. But then the same is the case with the theory that the earth goes around the sun. A pedant would say that you cannot absolutely prove that earth goes around the sun. But we know that’s bull. Earth goes around the sun. That’s a fact. Evolution is just like that. It’s a fact.

Abrahamic religions such as Islam and Christianity believe that the earth is only few thousand years ago and dinosaurs walked with humans. That’s bull. Earth is much older. It’s in fact 4.5 billion years ago. Life began 3.5 billion years ago. There were 5 great extinctions. The last one happened 65 million years ago and it wiped out dinosaurs. 15 million years ago we were ground apes. 1 million years ago, there were Homo ergasters. They kind of looked like us. But if we travelled back in time and tried to interbreed with them, we’d fail since they belonged to a different species. Then there were Archaic Homo sapiens. After that, about 100,000 years ago, modern humans, Homo sapiens sapiens came into existence. About 30,000 years ago happened what is called the Great Leap Forward. This is when the Cromagnon Man started drawing stuff on their cave walls. 10,000 years ago happened the Agricultural Revolution, giving rise to civilisation.

So we see that the earth is much older than the Christians and Muslims thinks it is. But it’s not old enough for religions such as Buddhism that talk about reincarnation.

To be continued…

One million years ago, Handy Lefroy, an ancestor of mine who was a Homo ergaster, thought about jumping off a cliff. He was only six years old, so he didn’t know any better. Fortunately his mother Jennifer Lefroy saw what he was up to, and warned him not to jump off the cliff. She told him that it’d kill him. Even though Handy didn’t know what death means, he knew it was bad and didn’t want to die. He believed his mother. He had faith in her, faith that she had his best interest in her heart. His younger brother, Ranil Lefroy, also wanted to jump off the same cliff, and yet when Jennifer told him not to do so because it’d kill him, he did not believe. He died. While he was falling, he wasn’t able to reproduce. The genes in his body were destroyed, while the genes in Handy’s body survived. Some of those genes are possibly in me, and you.

We are the descendants of those who were capable of believing without any reason to do so. We are the descendants of those who were capable of faith. Therefore, we are capable of faith. We have faith in our wives, husbands, sons and daughters. We have faith in ourselves. Without this kind of faith, our lives would’ve been really hard to live. It is our belief that the mysteries of the universe can be revealed and explained that leads us to make great scientific discoveries. So it is clear that faith is a creation of evolution just like anything else, and that it has a good side to it.

But when Jennifer Lefroy told her son Handy Lefroy that sun is a god, he believed her. When Johnny Lefroy was told that drinkable water and salt water can never be mixed, he believed it. When Ronny Lefroy was told that all Jews were sinners because they killed Jesus Christ, he believed it and joined with atheist Adolf Hitler to kill millions of Jews in gas chambers. When Bloody Lefroy was told that being raped is akin to committing adultery, he believed it and stoned a girl to death who was raped by four Pakistani men. Clearly, faith is not great.

Religious faith is just f****d up. What would you think about a person who believes that snakes talked, a son was born to a virgin woman, that there’s a cycle of death and rebirth called samsara, if he was the only guy who says so? You would think he’s a lunatic. But when billions of people say so, you think they make sense. That’s because you’re an idiot.

Really, would you vote for a guy who thinks that earth is only six thousand years old and dinosaurs were still there when Egyptians made pyramids because a book called Bible says so? What the f**k? Would you vote for a guy who wants to kill all Jews because he thinks they all are sinners because they killed Jesus Christ? Really, what the f**k? Would you really believe a guy who says that you’ll get 72 virgins after you martyr for your religion and get yourself killed? What the f**k?

Religions, all religions, are bad. Just f**king bad. Where does this idea that people who lived two thousand years ago knew more about life, universe and everything more than we know come from? New knowledge is created on the shoulders of existing knowledge. Do you think people who lived 2000 years ago knew more about human anatomy than we know? I don’t think so since I assume you’re not an idiot. So why do you think they knew more about human mind, life and universe than we know? What makes you think Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad or Jim Jones knew more about any of those things than you know? Really, what the f**k?