Sittingnut’s Sex Life
Reasearches at the Colombo University have found that Sittingnut doesn’t have a penis. I knew it. I just bloody knew it. This explains every goddamned thing about Sittingnut… First, this explains why Sittingnut comments on my blog at 2 a.m. A normal forty-something male should sleep like an ugly sloth by this time, with a sore penis from the last session of bed-gymnastics. But Sittingnut isn’t asleep. Why? He has no penis. He has no sex life. He cannot even masturbate (unless you consider sticking his right thumb up his own ass is a form of masturbation)… This also explains why he keeps on lying, and why he continuously accuse me of being gay, and being the gay lover of Indi. It turns him on. It doesn’t give him an erection since it’s impossible, but it gives him a scrotum-tightening, plus a mental orgasm. I mean, this penisless, sitting, nut, was always the first to comment on all of Indi’s articles two years ago… This also explains why the ShitNut is so aggressive on the cyber space. It’s his digital manhood speaking. A manhood built up from millions of 1s and 0s instead of flesh and blood. If I was an inventor, I would’ve invented a digital vagina for him to thrust his digital penis into… When I proved that he’s not a true libertarian, he was offended. I had taken his digital penis away from him, and had made a sausage from it, and had fed it to Mervyn Silva. What an digital asshole I’ve been, to rip this digitally male, yet eunuch in real life, off his penis? Damn… I should’ve been kinder. A little bit more patient. I’ve been too harsh in attacking this middle-aged man whose main sexual organ is his rectum. I mean, this guy’s nuts aren’t even hanging. They’re sitting. Over the years, many people (including the brilliant scientist padashow), have tried to understand what does his name, Sittingnut, means. But they all failed… After some research, me being the self-important brilliant scientist I am, figured it out. Sittingnut simply means, his nuts are inside his body, not hanging between his legs. There’s also something important people should note. He doesn’t have two nuts. Only one. One Sitting Nut. Also the shape of this nut, since it is sitting, is different from the shape of the nuts of other men. It looks like a pizza with its centre burnt a little too much… Sittingnut. I just wrote this because I feel guilty. I’ll never be mean to you again.